Another One Ruined

Good Day gone Bad. Thanks Again.

This is to you, both of you, who live in this place I could call home but really isn't.

Lets start with I miss Grandma, a lot. She would've stayed longer if she could tolerate you. Today, I watched The Proposal. It was a great movie; I enjoyed it a lot. The main character was very attractive, but that isn't the point. The way the grandmother acted reminded me of Ba Noi alot. She wanted every one in the family to be a Family. We may look like one, but we definitely aren't one, at least, I don't feel part of a "Normal Family". I cried during the movie. I know, not macho, not my style, not really a movie to cry for; but for good reason. What happened in the movie made me happy and sad. Happy because I thought of Grandma, but sad because I know that what she wanted will never happen. I do want it to happen, but knowing you, it won't stay long. You both don't trust me. You just went directly to the extreme. You grounded me for telling you that I couldn't make it even though Itried. You yelled at me for not being prepared. Prepared for what? Coming home? Again, I TRIED COMING HOME EARLIER, IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT. I had a plan in my head and that isn't how it went down. I'm sorry for planning gone bad, something I couldn't control. Then you yelled at me for taking a camera I don't generally use. You yelled at me because you assumed that I was going to break it because I supposedly broke a bunch of other things myself, LIKE I WANTED TO. You never, not once, took the time to think, "Oh, it was just an accident." Or, "Oh, your friend did it." It was always MY. FUCKING. FAULT. I honestly hate how you make all these assumptions. In the end you make an ass out of you, not me. And every time, you look at me with such disdain, I can't take it. It seems that Justin is treated better in spite of me. I'm sorry that I was a fucked up first shot, but can you honestly blame me? I had no help, what so ever, from anyone older, to get me through. I honestly wish I had the help that I'm giving my brother. I wish that I could have gotten that help so I can leave this place so-called home. You honestly have no idea how hard its been. Nor have you asked. You guys caused so many teats to run down my face, its hard to believe that you love me past the unconditional love you should have for me as my parents. Its really hard to love someone who doesn't love you back. You say you do, but I've never seen it. All the hugs I give you look like they're accepted reluctantly. If it were possible for me to be emancipated from you and still live in the Bay Area, I would've done it a long time ago. You have no idea how much this hurts. I've gone through so much physical pain, so much emotional pain, so much mental pain, why must you always make it worse. I'm back in my bathroom because you would send me in here as a punishment; And now it has become a thinking place for me. It seems that every time I've been in here other than to take care of business, I'm crying. The tears are always here and I don't understand why you continually do this. Do you enjoy seeing me in pain?! You know, as I got older, you stopped comforting me whenever I cried. Ever since Justin was born, I pretty much had to comfort my self. All those time you hit me, you would comfort me for a bit, but then tend to other things. I don't understand any of you at all.

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Anyways, today was a good day. Date with my twiins ♥. As usual, movie and food. Saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and The Proposal. Andrew didn't eat with us even though he should have but he had things to take care of. Got my old job back at Surf City and I'm hoping to get that job at Nautica. Today was good until you ruined mood. I hope you don't do the same tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Interview with Nautica at 330; SkyHigh at 7
Wednesday: Mission Peak with Danny at 6; Beach with the gang after
Thursday: Leave for VYC at 4; Be at Frere's at 12(before 4 if there is school). Be Back Sunday.

I need to the mini vacation. RealTalk

KBye
enjoi