Monday, January 18, 2010

It amazes me

How much I fucking suck -_-

I tell myself I'm not going to talk to you, but I can't stop. It eats at me, bothering me until things are figured out. I need to clear this off my plate.

All the high hopes that I had have been crushed. You don't even know. I probably thought way too far ahead but, I wanted to make this special. Oh well, lost cause.

On a good note, my pre-birthday celebration was fucking amazing. Empower II presented by Soulciety.org was inspiring, amazing, and, due to lack of better words, empowering. It was a great show with many great performances! Then my birthday party was fun while it lasted and now I'm at home. Boo.

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I started that shit hella long ago and fell asleep. I had a talk sorta online with you to clear things up and it looks like it won't happen. Again, so much for those high hopes.

Looking back at all ~100 text you sent me, it makes me sad. I thought something was going to happen. I don't want to be the one to force you to do it. I'm willing to take the risk that's necessary. I want to try to take some of that stress away from living a double life. I want to be that support for you. I'll help you out in school, life, whatever, all I want is to love and be loved back. You know, see my dream come true.

When will that happen?

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