Home; Sour Oranges

This is pretty much telling a certain someone something. x3 orange x/3

So I just found out that the past couple of days have been nothing but pure infatuation. I just got hurt badly, again, and I'm really sick of it. I'm sick of these tears I always seem to have, I'm sick of being played. I'm just so sick of it all. I want to go back. Not back to the bear exactly, but back.

So really, I already kinda expected it today, when we weren't really talking, and how you were ignoring me. You think you're guilty? How does that make me feel? Its like I dragged you into this and then now I'm crashing down and paying the price. My stomach really hurts right now. Yes, you are being one of those assholes I don't like, and yes, it does hurt, but I do like you, a lot. Maybe we said the 4-letter word to soon, but I don't want to end this. I will keep my promise, I haven't told anyone that can make it worse, and I won't, but all I really want is to talk to you, like have a real conversation, to try to understand things better, but, I highly doubt that's gonna happen. Thanks for the great birthday present :[. Btw, I never felt like a rebound.

Earlier, I was thinking, "are we going to fast?", "will we be like this[a secret] for a long time?", and other things like that. When I saw you earlier, I got kinda sad. You didn't even acknowledge I was there, but later, I lightened up, to see you so giddy and smile-y, it just made me smile (you were so cute xD). Then, when we went to get learn the dance, I thought "Hey, he'll grab me!", and then, you didn't and then my friend did instead. When we went to go get food, I thought, "Maybe I'll make him happy and let him pay for me.", and you seemed really apathetic about it all. So I got sadder. And, I guess for the rest of the day, I dunno. I missed you at the meeting, and at Youth Mass. So I don't know anymore.

To make things clear, I was trying to do "ABC Dates." You ask the person you're dating to pick a letter, any random letter, and you try to come up with something for that letter. Since you picked "L", I was thinking to add on to our bento Lunch, some Late night movies, Licorice, and a Lot of Love in the form of Letters. And I was gonna get you a really nice shirt from my friends clothing company.

So yea, I can't sleep. And I spent the last 30 min crying and posting this. I need a pick me up. Some starbucks/jamba or something.