I Don't Even Know

This isn’t just “stupid shit” as you say, its a way for me to get a lot off my mind. Or a way to record a good or bad day. Its a way for me to keep tabs.

Why does he always do this to me? Everytime I talk to him he seems to always makes me the bad guy. I hate how he always gives me ultimatums. I hate how he always put so much on me. I really can’t take anymore of this. I don’t understand why can’t he ever be as nice to me as he is to my brother. Maybe I’m not destined for greatness. Maybe I’m not all that smart. If I was, I’d probably be able to outsmart being lazy. I know you want the best for me but I don’t know if I can take anymore of this. Mom’s fake “good jobs” don’t help either. Its like I can never make you proud. Not in the ways I know I can do it. I excel in Tae Kwon Do but you don’t really seem to care, though you wanted me to do it against what I originally wanted. I help create a success in fundraisers and other social events but you don’t seem to care. You never seem to really care about what I like to do or what I’m doing it for. It seems all you care for is school. I know school is going to make my future but its not the only thing that really matters. I also understand you want me to have a good future but I don’t really need a glamourous one. What I want is to be happy, and thats really hard to do at home. It seems that everytime you look at me, its seems that you hate me. Is it because I don’t do well in school? Is it because I don’t always listen? Is it because I like to spend my time on other things that probably won’t help give me a stable career and lifestyle? To be honest, I’d rather be living in a small apartment or renting a room, and doing something I enjoy. I know I sound naive but hey, I’m trying to be optomistic. School is important, but its not the only thing. Its going to be my base for everything, but it won’t teach me everything. Everything I do builds me for a better life in some sense. Sure I won’t have a fancy mansion, but I’m fine with an apartment of some sort. I can take care of myself. I’m old enough to be able to. I know how to cook and clean (though I don’t always clean). I know how to get to what I want or need.

I dont know what else to say

I've been _________ lately Blog

Pretty much what it is.

So I've been blogging on my secret tumblr lately. Its my escape from my escape. Its like my diary xP. And I like it.

I've been listening to a lot of old bands lately too. Like Jack's Mannequin, The Fray, Yellowcard, Cartel, Anberlin, Blink 182 and what not. It brings back good memories. Well not Blink 182 exactly, but the other bands do. Blink 182 just makes me smile, like when I'm around babe :]

I've been watching a lot of old shows lately too. Like original Power Rangers, other Power Rangers seasons(but in Japanese x]), Sailor Moon (I know right), and Digimon. I'm living up summer by reminiscing with old shows that I loved.

I've been playing more games too. I got my old love for Carmen Sandiego back hehe. And BACKYARD BASEBALL! With little Pablo, the best player ever. I even started playing Final Fantasy again. Its been a while but I'm getting the hang of it haha :D

&&I've been overanalyzing too much.I worry too much about being hurt again, but I have to trust babe. This crazy thing we call love will just have to work its magic on us. And I hope for the best ♥

Yea, just a general update. The weeks have been pretty dang boring due to lack of cash but whatev's. I just want as much quality time as I can get with babe :]

KAT DAY SOON.
TWIIN DAY SOONER.
Quality time with that jerk, ASAP.

Oh My

This has become quite complicated.


I think I should stop over analyzing.


Guess I can't help it :[


Why couldn't we make last night last forever?

Bruno

was THE WORST MOVIE EVER

Went to go see it with babycakes. Horrible movie, but it was nice to spend time with babe. Hopefully you get the weekend off and we can spend the weekend together :]

Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

That's what I want for us :]

Yum, Babycakes

♥ :]

So babe didn't have to work today so we chilled at the park by my house. It was very nice. I enjoyed it a lot! Though it was short it, was great. Movie tomorrow?

So today we did forms. It was good, I got super lost. But I'll get it later.

and yeaa.

Lame Post

You Turned Me On

From my off day :]

So today was interesting. I woke up around 1-ish and took a shower. I realize I need a hair cut, but anyways. Got ready for Jade's thing and took off. My mom asked me if I was hungry cause they bought me the same sandwich they normally buy me but I can't stomach that anymore and plus I knew there was gonna be hella food so why eat. So I ate waaay too much. Food Baby that was kicking. Oh man it hurt. Left around 4ish to drop off my camera then went to the mall to find my baby. Babe was working and couldn't see them. Hung out with Katie and JHoe for a while then waited for the gang to go see a movie. Saw HBP again with Edalisemana, Dougie, LisaDuDu, Linhlo, and Bince. It was pretty funny the second time, hella messing around. I missed my favorite scene though cause I hung out with babe. Movie ended and walked home.

---

Today was kinda off though. Like I wake up to my mom questioning why I wasn't hungry and didn't want to eat. My dad gave me a fuck off kinda of attitude. I was kinda alone at the party. My mom kept reminding me of things I already knew. I missed spending time with my baby. I need a job. School is worrying me. I had a lot going on in my mind, I wanted to cry. I talked to baby sister Kathy for a bit and it cheered me up a little. But seeing you and spending time with you and feeling your embrace just made me so much happier. I love all the Aww Moments you give me. You make me smile and I'm glad you do. Thanks for turning me on haha :]


Thats going on my scrttmblr haha

7-16-09

Totally not how I expected it to happen, but I'm a happy camper :]

Thanks for stopping by and bringing me cookies :]

7169 No longer single :D

Hi Chris Kim!

PS
Now I'm hearing things "/
This isn't good

Carmel ♥

was really fun. Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk next time?

So I got home that day at like 3 after HP6. I woke up at like 7 to cook but I got lazy so I ordered Chow Mein instead.

Tina came around 8ish and we chilled. Bince got us and we went to get food. Everyone met up at King Eggroll and we were off from there. It was Bince driving me, Tina, Brook&Resil. Ugly had Minh and Tabios(of course). So on our way there, we of course got lost. Too many confusing directions -_-. We go there eventually, ate, and played on the beach. It was pretty crowded. There are some interesting pictures I'll have up down below later. It was fun. The volleyball, the football, the fail jumprope, the burying of people, fun stuff :]

We got tired and we got out of the freezing water to relax in the warm sand. We rinsed off and went to SANTA CRUZ to chill at the arcade, but we had no money. I got to play one game though :]
We played volleyball after. Minh started pissing me off by being a sexist pig and a hater by calling me "woman" when he's the one who actually cross dresses. He needs to get the fuck out of the closet, Cupcake is getting cramped.

After we dropped everyone who needed to be home off and we went bowling. It was just me, Bince, Tabios, and Ugly :D
I sucked haha. 67 xD Then went home and video chatted with Chris and yea.

I'M SO SORE. IT SUCKS.

Plans?
Unknown.

I think thats all.

PS
I'm scared. I want to ask you out but I'm just so hlgfkajslrgherg about it. Like you broke up with your ex because you're going to college, so I don't know if this is going to happen. I like you a lot but I'm scared. You make me smile though, and I haven't felt like this in a long time :]
PPS
A turquoise aura indicates dynamic quality of being, highly energized personality, capable of projection, influencing other people. People with turquoise strong point in their Aura can do many things simultaneously and are good organizers. They feel bored when forced to concentrate on one thing. People love bosses with turquoise Auras, because such bosses explain their goals and influence their team rather than demand executing their commands. Turquoise thought is a thought about organizing and influencing others

Kinda true?

PPS
Pictures are being bitchy

Oh Man

Yesterday, I was eating one of those small packages of Sweet Tarts, and found four candies inside, instead of the usual three. I felt special.
Today, I ate another pack, but only found two inside. I felt like the candy company was seeking revenge. MLIA.

Made my day :D

---

So HP6 was decent. Chris thought the same. He should be sleeping over now but his Mamma ILF was visited by Tom so oh well. Rain Check the movie and the sleep over.

---

So I want to ask you something, but I'm scared. Idk what would happen. I like you a lot but you're going away for a very long time. I like you a lot, and I hope you feel the same way too. I'm just worried because you "broke up" with your last boyfriend due to college, so I'm totally not sure. Don't get me wrong, I want to do it. I really want to do it, but I'm just scared. I don't want a repeat of my past. I am in like with you. And I hope you feel the same too. ♥

Saranghaeyo. I think at least... Well that's how I feel when I'm with you; No question marks :]

You give me reasons to smile ♥

SNJTIL

Hi there. Thanks for the awkward day today :]

So hung out with Chris today. Really awkward moments. I roamed around Vallco. That place is pathetic. Then hung out with Chris until his class. He's going to see HP6 with me :3 Excited.

So the rest of the weeks plans go as follow

Tuesday: Go to Tina's? HP6 with Chris :D
Wednesday: CARMEL ♥
Thursday: Unplanned; Lets make plans :]
Friday: COUSIN TIME :D
Saturday: Unplanned
Sunday: VanNghe time; Yogurt Runs :]

Honestly

I miss these kind of songs I used to be madly in love with.

So change of plans.

Monday; Unplanned
Tuesday; ^^; Maybe HP6, I might be a bit tired.
Wednesday; CARMEL ♥♥
Thursday; Unplanned
Friday; Cousins ♥

Lets make plans. Probably head over to Tina's House and hang with Alex and Tina, or a twiinday at Camille's. IDK

So the Jamboree was fun. Ran into a lot of people I knew. LIKE MY COUSINS :]

Then we went back to Frere's house, unloaded and what not, as I frantically looked for a ride. Duy was going to take me home but then Chris got off work and picked me up instead. Then off to RFL Campbell. Cupcakin time

---

So Frere and Hai both are on a plane to Vietnam. I pray that they have a safe flight and that they do well on their journey and mission. Saturday was a hard day letting them go. I held back the tears. I'm going to miss them. The ride home was nice though. To finish this off, Good luck and Enjoi. This isn't a good bye, its a see you later :]

PS - A Crystalline Soul

You have come out with the Crystalline answer for your soul. Crystalline beings are very reflective. They take a very long time to grow and change but when they do, you can't change them back... it is 'set in stone' so to speak. A crystalline person has an easier time giving than taking. When they do receive something, a debt is naturally implied in their minds whether or not it is expected. This is because of a deep sensitivity to people and objects. Crystalline folks are extremely absorbent of all kinds of energy. They would be wise to trust their instinct when it comes to people and objects in their lives. If it isn't for you, you know.. neutralize, energize, and release. That is the natural flow for crystalline souls.. you must learn about your natural abilities and use them for healing in your life.

Plans?

Today: Jamboree till who knows when; Maybe RFL Campbell :]
Sunday: Hopefully no practice; Still at RFL if I go; Chill with friends before they work;
Monday; Unplanned
Tuesday; CARMEL; HP6
Wednesday; Rest Up; Make plans for the rest of the week

I find out if I get the job this week. Fingers Crossed :]

HI CHRIS :D

SNJIL

The acronyms these days.

So today was unproductive. I went to play tennis with my brother and I lost to that 60 lbs stick. Fail.

So I'm waiting for my friend to get off work so we can chill a bit before I have to go to sleep for Jamboree, but idk if he can stop by. I need my parents to go to sleep -__-

Jamboree tomorrow. Must be at La San by 8. Photo Opportunities? I think yes. This should be fun. I hope there's no practice on Sunday. I want to get out of the house and go hang out with Chris :]

So Beach Day planning is going well. I can't wait :D Carmel ♥

I'm getting hungry. I think I'm gonna get some Cocoa Puffs and watch TV while I wait :]

HP6 AFTER THE BEACH :D

Boo!

Eww Slytherin

Your result for The Sorting Hat Test ...

Slytherin

You scored 34% Order/Chaos, and 35% Moral/Rational

Chaotic Rationality. You don't think much of rules and restrictions; you look at things from an analytical perspective and probably think morality is relative to some extent. Your strength lies in being able to make your own judgments and form your own strategies uninhibited by others; your weakness lies in the wariness other people may have of you, perceiving you as dangerous.

You join people like Theodore Nott, Severus Snape, and Horace Slughorn.

Hey there :D

Hi, hello, how are you? :D

So I'll blog about VYC later when the videos are up :D

So these past couple of days have been fun haha. Random Banned Condom Commercials and what not, and I think I like you :]

"What OMGPOP was, I am with you." -Kevin Nguyen

Yeah, I thought of that haha, and its true, I am in like with you :]










Eww. Thats really bad quality. The better one is better

Fuck

I got into an accident.

Don't want to go into details.

Waiting for my ride to the beach. I want to tan. I think we should stay a while otherwise its a waste of time.

Mission Peak was amazing.

I have to pack tonight :[

kbye